“Can I tell you something?”

I could feel Him drawing me near, “Yes, Lord.”

“I don’t want to be your ‘big, sexy husband, Jesus’ anymore.”

“Why, Lord?”

“Because I want your actual husband to win. I gave him to you. He can’t compare to me, and I want him to win.”

“So, what do you want to be for me now?”

“I want to be your best friend. Let me be that for you. You’re looking for the right one. It’s me. I will never leave you. I will show you what a best friend looks like.”

Jesus is all sufficient. And I mean ALL. I’ve known Jesus as many things.

King Jesus

Savior Jesus

Big, sexy, husband Jesus

Best friend Jesus

Dance partner Jesus

Playtime Jesus

I have found value, connection, refuge, and my true identity in the one and only Jesus Christ. He is my joy. He is my hope. He is my peace. He is the truest and most constant source of love I have ever known.

After my divorce I was desperate to be loved and I began to look for it anywhere. I’m so thankful that the Lord rescued me from that path real quick, before I could do too much damage to myself and others (and I’m thankful for grace and forgiveness for the areas I did cause and experience pain). I needed to know what real love was. I needed to be shown what a godly marriage could be. And Jesus asked me to let Him be my husband.

For years I was totally satisfied by my big, sexy, husband Jesus. He really is the best! He knows how to speak your love language, He’s romantic, supper funny, a great date, and the best cuddler! Seriously, He doesn’t toss and turn, steal the covers, and He doesn’t get hot!

Having Jesus as my big, sexy husband meant that I was not searching for all those things from anyone else. He never disappoints. He is always there. He gave me everything so when it came time for me to open my heart to another, I wasn’t desperate and needy, susceptible to say yes to whatever man came my way. The bar was set high. Any man who was going to be let into my heart was going to have to resemble what was already so satisfying.

I met, and ten weeks later, married the incomparable Kris Bowers, but I still had my big, sexy, husband Jesus for the first few years of our marriage. I look back now and see that the Lord was so gracious to let me keep him in that role so that my new husband and I could build our love without me dumping all my hopes and dreams on this unsuspecting man after the “I do.” We got to grow into our marriage and develop a very healthy rhythm of Jesus first, then each other.

Jesus broke up with me as my big, sexy husband because the Lord saw that I needed to experience another side of His powerful and infinite nature. He knew I was ready to stand confidently in my marriage and he wanted to show me a deep and healthy version of friendship.

I’ve had some great friends in my life, but I was never satisfied. I’ve always wanted that one friend…the ride or die friend. The sister till the end friend. The hole in my heart for someone who loved me like I loved them has caused so much disappointment. Again, this wasn’t always the other person’s fault. I recognized the unhealthy need and so this Jesus.

I’ve spent the last year being so filled by my friendship with Jesus, and do you know what has happened? I’ve become a better friend, AND my friendships are healthier, stronger, and more fruitful then ever! Why? Because I’m so satisfied in my friendship with Jesus that I’m no longer putting unrealistic expectations on my friends to meet my deepest friendship desires. I get to love and be loved without any strings attached.

Jesus never fails to satisfy. He knows us so well and wants to reveal his nature and goodness in every area of our lives. When we encounter that love and power in an area, we are changed.

I love the fact that no matter how hard I try, I can never properly fit God in a box. He successfully breaks it open every time.

I want to challenge you to assess what Jesus is to you right now and if there may be an invitation to let him be something new to you. Are you willing to let him break up with your comfortable version of him?

Joyfully filled,

Season

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