joy, love, sex, and marriage, Uncategorized

The sexiest thing about him

Let me begin by stating that my husband is not perfect. You might read this and think, “He’s amazing! Is he for real?” Let me assure you, he’s real. I know I won a prize. And trust me, I’ve been on the other side so I appreciate the gift of an amazing man! However, he’s not perfect. I am totally over the moon for my husband, but I am also a normal woman in a very real marriage to a normal man. I have experienced first hand the ease in which we can go from totally in love, to annoyed, over it, and even disgusted by our mate. I’ve experienced the moments where only complaints, negative thoughts, and snarky words come to mind and sometimes out of my mouth (more times than I’m proud to admit).

But, I’ve also seen what these thoughts and feelings can breed if left unchecked. My first husband told me in the first month of our marriage that he wasn’t attracted to me (well, he first told me that when we were dating but then brought it up again one month into our marriage….then why did he marry me, you ask? Good question). He told me it was up to me to fix this issue. He would tell me that if I just lost weight, if I acted like someone else (you know, since I was a professional actor I should be able to do that). Eventually it became, if I would enter into the swinger lifestyle or sleep with someone else, then maybe he’d find me attractive. He was so deep in his tainted perspective of me that he couldn’t see me any other way.

I learned through that experience that what we focus on when we look at our mate has everything to do with how we feel about them. Our feelings toward our spouses are a choice. Yes, I have a freaking hot husband, but let me tell you what the absolute sexiest things about him are….

His worship – my man is a worshiper. He is sold out, passionate, and worships with total abandon.

His prayer life – my husband is in the closet. No! Not that that closet! His prayer closet, silly! It’s pretty much his favorite place in the world and he’ll lose hours in there.

His daddy-of-three-daughters skills – he can do hair, pick out a fabulous outfit, and out shop all of us. Nothing sexier than when he loves them well.

His confidence – there is something about my husband that will make you ask the question, is he confident or cocky? It’s sexy! He almost gives off that bad boy vibe, until you realize he’s actually humble, never foul with his words, and ALWAYS respectful.

His humility – under the confident exterior, there is a spirit of of real humility. He really does want to be molded to be more like Jesus everyday, and he’s not afraid of the process.

His desire to grow – never have I met someone with such a desire to learn and grow. He’s never done. Always pressing into learn more about the Lord, or whatever thing he’s into…it usually involves sweating a lot and pushing his body to the limits, or competing.

His creativity – I love watching him get an idea and see it to completion. One of my favorite dates is a trip to Lowe’s or Home Depot! He’s got a real gift, and whether it’s something we’re doing together or a piece of art he’s creating in his garage/studio, I love seeing him create! He’s a project finisher and I’m so inspired by him. http://www.facebook.com/theartofalionbykrisbowers

His commitment to me – my husband is a transparent and honest man. I trust him. I really trust him. He loves to be with me, and the way he desires to protect what we have makes me feel cherished.

His humor – he’s a nut. He knows when to laugh and doesn’t let any of his girls get too far down the rabbit hole of drama before he has us giggling, usually in some sort of jiu jitsu choke hold.

His muscles – yup, I said it. But it’s low on the list! I don’t just love the way they look, I LOVE how safe he makes me feel. He’s always alert and aware of his surroundings so I can walk with my head in the clouds and not fall off the curb. When I’m with him, I’m untouchable.

The list goes on, but I’ll spare you. My husband isn’t perfect, but he loves Jesus more than he loves me. I’m not perfect, but I love Jesus more than I love my husband. I believe this is the glue that makes us stick. It also is the lens though which we see each other. The moment where the enemy wants to get me to grumble and complain about my husband, I choose to focus on what I love about him. Instead of cursing him, I bless him, and bless him, and bless him!

If you’re married, I pray that you will join me in focusing on the qualities unique to your spouse. The Lord has designed them and crafted them with shiny and priceless qualities, and you get to help polish those gems! What an honor! The things that make your spouse who they are, are purposeful! Enjoy them, celebrate them, and see how it changes your perspective!

Joyful and hot for my husband,

Season

friendship, love, sex, and marriage, Uncategorized

Jesus broke up with me

“Can I tell you something?”

I could feel Him drawing me near, “Yes, Lord.”

“I don’t want to be your ‘big, sexy husband, Jesus’ anymore.”

“Why, Lord?”

“Because I want your actual husband to win. I gave him to you. He can’t compare to me, and I want him to win.”

“So, what do you want to be for me now?”

“I want to be your best friend. Let me be that for you. You’re looking for the right one. It’s me. I will never leave you. I will show you what a best friend looks like.”

Jesus is all sufficient. And I mean ALL. I’ve known Jesus as many things.

King Jesus

Savior Jesus

Big, sexy, husband Jesus

Best friend Jesus

Dance partner Jesus

Playtime Jesus

I have found value, connection, refuge, and my true identity in the one and only Jesus Christ. He is my joy. He is my hope. He is my peace. He is the truest and most constant source of love I have ever known.

After my divorce I was desperate to be loved and I began to look for it anywhere. I’m so thankful that the Lord rescued me from that path real quick, before I could do too much damage to myself and others (and I’m thankful for grace and forgiveness for the areas I did cause and experience pain). I needed to know what real love was. I needed to be shown what a godly marriage could be. And Jesus asked me to let Him be my husband.

For years I was totally satisfied by my big, sexy, husband Jesus. He really is the best! He knows how to speak your love language, He’s romantic, supper funny, a great date, and the best cuddler! Seriously, He doesn’t toss and turn, steal the covers, and He doesn’t get hot!

Having Jesus as my big, sexy husband meant that I was not searching for all those things from anyone else. He never disappoints. He is always there. He gave me everything so when it came time for me to open my heart to another, I wasn’t desperate and needy, susceptible to say yes to whatever man came my way. The bar was set high. Any man who was going to be let into my heart was going to have to resemble what was already so satisfying.

I met, and ten weeks later, married the incomparable Kris Bowers, but I still had my big, sexy, husband Jesus for the first few years of our marriage. I look back now and see that the Lord was so gracious to let me keep him in that role so that my new husband and I could build our love without me dumping all my hopes and dreams on this unsuspecting man after the “I do.” We got to grow into our marriage and develop a very healthy rhythm of Jesus first, then each other.

Jesus broke up with me as my big, sexy husband because the Lord saw that I needed to experience another side of His powerful and infinite nature. He knew I was ready to stand confidently in my marriage and he wanted to show me a deep and healthy version of friendship.

I’ve had some great friends in my life, but I was never satisfied. I’ve always wanted that one friend…the ride or die friend. The sister till the end friend. The hole in my heart for someone who loved me like I loved them has caused so much disappointment. Again, this wasn’t always the other person’s fault. I recognized the unhealthy need and so this Jesus.

I’ve spent the last year being so filled by my friendship with Jesus, and do you know what has happened? I’ve become a better friend, AND my friendships are healthier, stronger, and more fruitful then ever! Why? Because I’m so satisfied in my friendship with Jesus that I’m no longer putting unrealistic expectations on my friends to meet my deepest friendship desires. I get to love and be loved without any strings attached.

Jesus never fails to satisfy. He knows us so well and wants to reveal his nature and goodness in every area of our lives. When we encounter that love and power in an area, we are changed.

I love the fact that no matter how hard I try, I can never properly fit God in a box. He successfully breaks it open every time.

I want to challenge you to assess what Jesus is to you right now and if there may be an invitation to let him be something new to you. Are you willing to let him break up with your comfortable version of him?

Joyfully filled,

Season

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love, sex, and marriage, Uncategorized

sexy eyes

I really like to talk about sex. Hot married sex, if you will.

It’s not because I am overly frisky or anything….but I have experienced what it’s like to be in a marriage with “intimacy” that breads pain, shame, and looks nothing like the love of God, and I have been in a marriage where the physical expression of love glorifies the Lord and fosters a marriage bond that flourishes. I want every marriage to experience this kind of beauty and fun!

You may remember a blog I wrote on the best married date night advice I had ever received, click here to read it, SBD…it’s not what you think!. I hope it inspired and empowered you to invest in your connection with your spouse, or keep it in your back pocket for when you’re married. I want to pass along some other advice that rocked my world…or my sex life to be exact.

My husband and I are very committed to honoring and protecting our marriage. This means that we guard our hearts, minds, eyes, and time from stuff that could lead to distraction and division between us. We both previously experienced the real damage that often happens when these safeguards aren’t in place, so we are on high alert.

I’m getting real, you ready?

How many of us have been in the middle of the deed, eyes closed, feeling good, when suddenly a different face comes to mind? It’s all working great and moving in the right direction so you don’t do anything about it. It’s not like anyone else would know, right? I have been guilty of this a time or two, and it’s not ok. But the truth is, we’ve made an excuse for it. It’s become normal and “harmless.” Some even say it’s helpful! But that’s a lie. The truth is, it’s dangerous. VERY DANGEROUS.

I’ll explain. Let’s say the face that pops up is a long ago and far away somebody. Someone you haven’t seen or heard from in forever, and you wouldn’t even know where they are or what they look like now. Seems harmless, right? Wrong. That long ago and far away person might be “safe” but the more we allow this pattern, the odds of that face becoming someone much closer and accessible are far greater. Soon, that face turns into the guy in your office who you love to joke around with, or the girl who always tells you she wishes she could find someone like you. The danger has become much more real.

You say, “But it’s not like I’d ever go there!” Well, I believe you, but the truth is you have already gone there. While it didn’t happen in the physical realm, it was certainly happening in the mind…and, in this instance, it was also connected to the body, so it might as well have been real. Your body now associates that person with that pleasure.

Still with me?

Before you stop reading, let me tell you how I’ve changed this habit in my life. My husband and I were at a marriage seminar. The speakers were a husband and wife team and they were talking about the dangers of porn, how they safeguard their marriage, etc. As the speaker was listing the things they do to protect themselves, he said something that caught my attention and changed everything.

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

Yes, eyes open. At first I thought he was nuts, but then I began to think about it and let it sink in. You see, when we shut our eyes we shut ourselves off from our partner. It takes two to do this tango and if we close our eyes we are too easily tempted to allow the enemy to supplant our spouse with someone else. It seems harmless, and even more sexy, but it’s all in the name of division. The enemy wants to divide you two! That’s his ultimate goal.

God loves marriage. He created it to reflect the love and perfect union of the Trinity. When two become one in this Holy union, the enemy wants to do everything he can to pry it apart. So don’t let him! Get mad! Do whatever it takes to keep that union close and pure.

Open your eyes!

I even go so far as to say NO (usually in my head, sometimes out loud) when the enemy tries to hijack my mind. I say, “Enemy, you don’t get to play, this is sacred time. It’s worship and I will honor my husband and my Jesus with heart, soul, body, and my mind. You have no place here.”

I am fierce about the covenant I’ve made with my husband. We both know that we’re not perfect but we come into agreement and commit to having the minds of Christ, which means we submit all thoughts to Him. The sin isn’t the thought, it’s what you do with it that is important.

You want intimacy? Look at your lover! Do you long for connection? Don’t shut yourself off from them! Open your eyes. It may be awkward and actually challenging at first. It’s a vulnerable experience to be sure! But what did you sign up for? We’re so used to the comfortable patterns we have established that we don’t realize they are often killing our intimacy and robbing us of the goodness that is possible. Trust me, if you will take this risk, it’s worth it.

Marriage can be glorious! It really can be more than you’ve ever imagined, but you must let the other in.

Open your eyes. It’s better that way. Look at that sexy creature you are married to and enjoy it! I think you’ll be glad you did.

Eyes wide open,

Season

love, sex, and marriage

Worship in bed

“Babe, let’s go worship upstairs.” We’ve all got our own unique lingo that we use to signal our spouse that it’s time. Call it whatever you will, you know you do.

If you follow me as a writer, you know I’m on a roll! A sexy role that is. I’m inspired right now to write about sex…or as I like to call it, hot, married sex .

You see, that’s the issue, the world seems to focus on sex outside of marriage as the hot kind. When was the last time you saw a steamy love scene between two married people in a movie or on tv? But the truth is from the very beginning it was ordained by God and intended to be special. Think about it, God created man and woman as the glorious finale of his masterpiece, declared it very good, and then left them, naked, in paradise, and essentially said, “Hey guys, I’m gonna take a day off…you are free to enjoy each other and figure it all out. Have fun! Wink, wink.”

While I believe God loves it, I also believe the enemy hates it. How do I know that? Because there is so much energy and effort to distort and corrupt it! From very early on we see the enemy try to tear apart what God intended for such goodness. With infidelity, pornography, and a myriad of other distractions and distortions surrounding sex, there is an all out evil attack aimed at the special and holy union.

Here’s is why I deem it holy. It is set apart. It is the closest to the physical, emotional, and spiritual union of the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, the three in one, that we as humans can experience. They are three distinctive persons that fit perfectly together, bonded by love and mutuality. In our context it becomes a literal physical bond where two do indeed become one, and add God to the mix and you’ve got three! How cool that the Lord created us to experience such a unique union!

But, as many of us have experienced, this sets us up for an all out attack from the enemy. So instead of settling for a painful, disconnected, unsatisfying, and perverted version of sex, we worship. We worship with purity, joy, and boldness. We worship knowing that when we celebrate what the Lord created to be very good, we not only get pleasure, but the Lord takes pleasure in our enjoyment. Yup, why do you think he created orgasms? Yes, there are reproductive reasons for orgasms, but if they were only for baby making then they would cease to exist when we can no longer produce children.

The enemy has gotten many of us to believe that pleasure can’t exist in a pure and holy way. Well, sweet friends, it can! It begins by inviting the Holy Spirit into your sex life. Ask the Lord to tell you what he wants you to experience. Welcome him into that part of your marriage and watch what happens. If you’re thinking your spouse might think you’re nuts, tell them about this blog…I’ll take the credit for being nuts. It’ll open the door to a great conversation. And take a risk! Before you get to it, pray together. Ask the Lord to reveal himself and his glory in the gift of your hot, married sex.

There are plenty of other suggestions I have…but maybe we’ll just begin there. The Lord wants you to enjoy healing, wholeness, and abundance in every area of your life. Don’t let the enemy win any longer. Your marriage is holy and so is your sex life. Worship in bed!

Joyfully,
Season

love, sex, and marriage

SBD…it’s not what you think!

Warning, this blog contains information that may be TMI (Too Much Information) but I think that this risk may end in you actually thanking me…read on at your own risk.

The SBD. Most commonly known as the fart that’s “Silent But Deadly.” You know them…whether it’s our own (oddly, somehow our own aren’t so bad), the husband’s (gross!!), or sometimes the most deadly…the dog’s! But those are not the SBD’s I’m referring to.

“Oh good, I was a bit scared you were going to talk about farts.” Sigh of relief? Well, brace yourselves, I’m not taking about farts…I’m talking about sex! Yup, sex. SORRY, NOT SORRY!

The SBD I’m referring to is what I like to call “Sex Before Date/Dinner.” Listen friends, we’ve all had it happen to us. We get all dressed up for a date with our sexy husband (or wife) and we are looking good. Our date is looking fine. The flirting is flowing and the sexual innuendos are on point. Date nights are vital to keep any marriage alive and even if it’s not an actual date, any excuse to call it one works great too! Back to the hot date…the touching, the eyes, the anticipation of what’s going to happen when we get home…super sexy!

And then it happens. You eat too much at dinner. You know you should have stopped at two dinner rolls, but they were so good! Hello, honey butter! Seriously, you didn’t know the dinner portions would be that big! The dessert was your favorite and you couldn’t pass it up….it wasn’t your fault that your date didn’t eat as much of it as you thought they would. So now you roll out of the restaurant and head to the movies. The idea of an 8:00 pm movie sounded great! It gives you plenty of time for dinner and walking around. We’re young and fun right?! But then the movie is more than two hours and you’re nodding off in the theatre because you’re stuffed from dinner and it’s late. Remember, you haven’t been sitting around doing nothing all day…you have a packed life and the kids get up early! By the time the movie is over, you’re tired, your belly is still full from dinner, and the thought of getting home, putting on your stretchy pants and going to bed is glorious.

But wait…..what about the sexy time?! What about the hype, the flirting, and the anticipation? Ugh…can we just do it tomorrow? It’s not that I don’t want to, but we’re both tired and not feeling it now.

Friends! This must stop! Might I suggest the SBD? Yes, that’s right, Sex Before the Date!

As you’re getting ready for your night, stop what you’re doing….and DO IT! Before you leave the house, sneak it in. Or, if you have to drop the kids off at the sitters, drop them off and get it on! Finding that private parking spot is half the fun!

You may be asking, “but what about the fun of the sexual tension on the date? Doesn’t doing it be beforehand take the wind out of the sails?” NOPE! It’s actually just as good, if not better! There is nothing cuter and more attractive then my husband’s “I’ve conquered and succeeded, big time” confidence. Or the blushing and flushed cheeks that give it all away and say “Oh yea, we just had a great time.”

Trust me. It works. And it’s better than the disappointment that comes when one missed opportunity turns into days or weeks of no action. You know you’ve been there.

Let’s stay connected and passionate in our marriages! Let’s be creative and intentional when it comes to our sex life. Let’s worship the Lord by honoring what He created to be awesome! Yup, I said it and I mean it…hot married sex is worship!

SBD….you’re welcome!

Season

Faith, healing, love, sex, and marriage, Uncategorized

The guy that ran (part two)

Remember the story of the guy who ran away from me on a date? If you don’t, check it out here.

Wait, there’s more!!

That guy challenged me in many ways. First, he showed me what hard choices, a desire for holiness, and putting God before himself looked like. He also set a new standard for what I was looking for in a man. I began to think, if I want a guy like that, what kind of woman would a guy like that choose?!  What kind of woman am I? At the time, I was not one who could stand confidently next to someone like that.

Anyhow, he also opened my eyes to the idea of seminary. He had spent the past 20 years of his life in military service and after he retired, he was getting his masters degree from seminary. Now that I write it down, I see the crazy similarities! I was coming to the end of my 20 year career as an actor and, thanks to his example, began to pray about and pursue a seminary education. Seriously I just put that together! The Lord is crazy!

Ok, moving on to how he came back. I spent that summer abroad. The theatre company I worked for took a show to England, and when we were done, I decided that Jesus and I would go on a date to Greece.

It was glorious. A week in Greece with Jesus.

While I was there, I was also finalizing my application for seminary, which I was hoping to begin shortly after I returned from my travels. I felt the need to reach out to, let’s call him “the runner.” I wanted him to know how he, in that brief encounter, had radically changed my life. Since that fateful day on the beach, my divorce was almost final, I had decided to attend seminary, and I had learned so much about myself and the Lord. I felt like the runner needed to know that. Ok, and if I am really honest, I also hoped he would hear all about my growth, email me back, and we’d live happily ever after. Seriously, I checked my email so many times over the next few weeks. No response.

Six months later my life looked very different. I was legally divorced. I had just finished my first semester of seminary. And, I had met a really amazing man on christianmingle.com. Kris and I met online and two days later we met in person. He came to see me in the show I was in and after the show we went out for a late dinner. It was a brief but amazing night. The challenge was, he lived about an hour away and he worked days and I worked nights. We decided to plan an entire day-long date the next week. We were so excited to spend a whole day face-to-face, and the night before, as we were hanging up the phone after midnight, I got an email notification.

I’ll give you one guess as to who that email was from.

YUP! The runner!!! Can you believe it?! I hadn’t seen him or talked to him in nine months, and on the day I was going to go on the most anticipated date of my life, I HEAR FROM HIM!

The email said, “I am sorry I never got back to you. I didn’t know how to feel and I wasn’t sure you were ready to hear from me.” He also wanted to know if I got into seminary, how it was going, and all the other catching up stuff.

I was beside myself. I decided to try to ignore the email and just go on my date and enjoy myself. It was spectacular…but, that’s another blog.

The next day, I got on a plane to spend the week leading up to Christmas in Maine. I swear to you, that week played out like a movie. On the way to Maine, I wrote the runner back. I had done some cyber-stalking and had seen on his internet dating profile that he had met someone, and it looked like he was even engaged. I felt like I could safely email him and tell him all about what had gone on in my life.

We proceeded to email everyday while I was in Maine. We were going back and forth about school, and other lighthearted stuff, but I was starting to really wonder about his relationship status. I was beginning to feel guilty. I would spend the day on the phone building my relationship with Kris, and at night I was emailing with the runner, who I thought was in a relationship.

Christmas day I arrived at the airport at the crack of dawn. I was so excited to go home because Kris had invited me to his home once I landed to meet his daughters. It was going to be a day that would possibly alter the course of my life. And of course, another email comes in.

“Hey, I want you to know that when you get back home, I would like to pick up where we left off nine months ago. I think we really could have something special and I want to pursue a serious relationship with you.”

I just about died. Right there in the airport. Season, laying dead on the ground.

WHAAAAT??!!! Clearly he wasn’t engaged, or dating anyone for that matter. It must have been an old profile. I couldn’t see straight.

What in the world was I to do? I had to make a choice. I was going home to really dive into a relationship with Kris, a man who I knew was the real deal; I was about to meet his children for heaven’s sake! But the guy who nine months earlier rocked my world in one brief and painful date, the very guy that had got away, was now back!

It was an agonizing plane ride. I compared the two very different men from as many angles as I could. Imagining life with both played out like a movie…one girl, two very different lives.

The runner – older than me, had money, lived on the beach, drove a motorcycle, pursuing higher education, never been married, no kids. Looked great on paper. Loved Jesus.

Kris – younger than me, three kids, in ministry, no money, no education, lived in the sticks (that’s what I thought of Temecula). Didn’t look good on paper. Loved Jesus.

Praying. Crying. Praying some more. Who is the right one, Lord?! And then I heard it. The Lord said,

“Season, pick one, I’ll bless it.”

How good is God!? My sweet, gracious, and powerful Lord loves me so much.

For many reasons, too many to ever list, I picked Kris. I never looked back. And how blessed we are!

Joyfully free to choose,

Season

healing, love, sex, and marriage, Uncategorized

How I felt when a guy literally ran away from me on a date

I met this guy online. Our emails quickly turned into a phone conversion and the minutes turned into a few hours of non-stop connection. We decided to meet the next day. I hadn’t met anyone like him since my marriage had imploded, or ever, for that matter. I was nervous and excited.

Our plan was for him to come and meet me at my work and we would go for a walk around Coronado, then to dinner, then he’d see the show I was in. I had a sure-fire plan…it’s hard to resist the beauty of Coronado, and seeing someone you like on stage do their thang is a guarantee to seal the deal!

When he showed up, we nervously hugged, and began our stroll down the charming streets and toward the beach. We both knew that this meeting was important. It was clear that our hearts were already aligned toward the Lord and  I was sure that this date was the beginning of something big. While I was excited to get to know him better, I had an agenda for our conversation.

You see, I was still legally married.

In my mind and heart I had been divorced for a long time. We had been separated for well over a year, and before that, we lived as roommates for two years. The actual filing for divorce hadn’t happened yet because we were comfortable and it hadn’t seemed that important. My sort-of-ex husband and I saw each other every day because we worked together at the theatre. We were great as exes and neither one of us had thought to legally file for divorce.

My plan was to nonchalantly slip into the conversation, “Oh and by the way, you may notice that one of the guys in the play tonight has my last name. It’s because he’s actually my ex-husband…almost. No big deal, right?” Frankly, I had planned to bring it up at dinner, once we had spent the afternoon together and really sealed our bond.

Ah, the best laid plans.

About 20 minutes into our walk, we made it to the sandy Coronado beach. Just as we began to find our stride, our conversation had turned into a rapid-firing of questions in order to learn as much as we could about each other in a short amount of time. Without knowing what was about to go down, he asked me if I had ever been married. It was a fair question. I was in my early 30’s, he was about ten years older than me. My answer, “Yes, and you?” “No” he said. He followed up with three questions, “How long were you married, when did you get divorced, and what happened?”

Frankly, I don’t remember what I said. The rest replays in my mind in blurry slow motion where I can feel but I can’t really hear. All I know is that as I began to explain my current status, he interrupted me with the record scratch question that changed my life. “Wait, so you’re still married?” With that question, we turned on a dime and began to run-walk back in the direction we came. I remember talking as fast as I could to try to explain, spin, and convince him that it was all fine.

When we made it to his motorcycle, he looked at me as he put his helmet on, and said something to the effect of, “I cannot be here with you. You’re still a married woman, and I think you’re still angry.” And with that, he speed away.

“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” 2 Timothy 2:22 NLT

I was left standing there, gutted. Tears and a deep sense of loss and conviction came welling up and out of me. I got it together long enough to perform that night, but on stage was the only time that I didn’t weep for days.

You see, I was in mourning. Yes, I mourned the loss of a potential relationship with a man who had rocked my world and set a new standard for any man who would come close to me. But what I really mourned was the rebellion and sin of dishonoring my heavenly Father, my husband (regardless of our status or his behavior, we were still legally married), and myself….oh the shame and guilt.

I was so sad but I was also incredibly challenged. I saw a glimpse into what it looked like to live in purity and actually flee from sin. Unfortunately, in this case, I was the sin and temptation, but I had felt the grace and forgiveness from the Lord to move forward in a new deep understanding and desire for that kind of purity.

With a deep desire for healing and cleansing from sin, I sought the Lord. I was bathed in his righteousness and met a new person. Myself. I discovered a new side of myself, one that took great joy in purity and the pursuit of holiness that came through a closeness to Jesus.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

Psalm 51:10

The best part? I didn’t miss out. After healing, a finalized divorce, and a confidence in myself as a bride of Christ, the Lord brought me another man.

I also met Kris online. This man not only met, but far surpassed the new standard. He is a man who values the same kind of purity and closeness with Jesus…and is seriously good-looking!

Purity and holiness are not meant to bring you down. They do not exist to keep you from having fun or limiting your choices. Instead, they are the things that bring you the most freedom. Purity is a choice. Holiness is a gift. Purity is best demonstrated through Jesus’ life, and holiness is possible only because of Jesus’ death.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Mathew 5:8

It’s not every day that a man literally runs away from a date. I’m so thankful for that man and even more thankful for my Jesus who was there to meet me with forgiveness and holiness.

Joyfully Walking in Purity,

Season